Remembering 12.21.88

A Relentless Journey

Here are my remarks from today’s 37th Anniversary Memorial for the Victims of Pan Am Flight 103 at Arlington National Cemetery.

I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge Mary Kay Stratis who passed away on May 19th. Mary Kay lost her husband, Elia, aboard Pan Am 103. Over the last 37 years, Mary Kay served as a tireless advocate for the Victims of Pan Am Flight 103. Most recently, she served as chair of the family group for 16 years. There were many years when Mary Kay stood at this podium and shared her grace and kindness with all of us.

As I stand before you for the first time as Chair of the Victims of Pan Am Flight 103, it is not lost on me that I have absolutely impossible shoes to fill. Mary Kay was one in a million and her contribution to this organization was immense and will be felt forever.

Today, we gather together once again to remember. I was 17 when my father was killed. I have lived longer than my dad did by almost a decade. My kids are older than the age I was when I lost my dad. In some ways, I feel I have lived lifetimes since December 21, 1988. A lot of time has passed. A lot has changed.

However, one of the most powerful parts of the legacy of Pan Am 103 is how much has not changed. The commitment. The determination. The perseverance. The remembering. We are still here. We are still going strong.

Stepping into the chair role for the organization is honestly nothing that I would have ever imagined myself doing. In fact, there were many years where I found it quite difficult emotionally to be too close to the activities of the group. There was a long time when I felt that all I could handle was my personal grief and my family’s specific story. Whenever I branched out beyond that, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion and empathy that I often had to shut down and step away. I felt guilty about this tendency. There are so many family members that dedicated so much of their lives to the memory of all those that were lost on December 21, 1988. I often wondered why their grief made them fight and why my grief made me go inward.

Something changed in the last couple of years for me. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the fact that my kids are grown. Maybe enough time has passed. But I finally started to feel like I could do more, that I wanted to do more. It was time for me to step up and contribute - to give some of my time and energy to a group that has given so much time and energy to my family.

This year has been nothing short of eye opening for me. It is quite unreal that after 37 years the experience of being a victim of Pan Am 103 can still bring so many new lessons and realizations, but 2025 was filled with moments like this for me. Moments where I could feel the legacy of Pan Am 103.

This year was the first time that I was at Syracuse University for Remembrance Week. To say that the experience was powerful is an understatement. It was such a privilege to be there to witness how Syracuse University honors the students who were lost on Pan Am 103, to meet the Remembrance Scholars, to connect with students from Lockerbie, to attend the Rose Laying Ceremony - the trip was more impactful than I would have ever anticipated. It is hard to believe that I had waited so long for this experience but also so powerful that after all this time there were still new ways to experience the impact of this tragedy. In this way, our loved ones will always be remembered.

This year also brought some of us to Scotland to see the play, Small Acts of Love, which the Lord Advocate introduced in her remarks. A stunning tribute to the ties between the Lockerbie community and the victims’ families, the play brought to life so many of the emotions we have felt over the years - the shock, the sadness, the pain but also kindness, compassion, and love. It is a piece of theater that will live on as part of our story. In this way, our loved ones will always be remembered.

This year saw the broadcast of not one but two fictionalized dramas about the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. We have of course grown used to media content about the tragedy but this is a new type of storytelling we had to process - the type of storytelling that can take artistic license and make creative choices - the purpose not to inform but rather to entertain. In this way, our loved ones will always be remembered.

And here lies a tension - there is the deep desire to remember but also a realization that we don’t always have control about how it is remembered. How will the legacy play out as we inch closer to the 40th anniversary? When people remember Pan Am 103, what will they remember? How do we continue to honor the memories of all who were lost in sensitive and truthful ways?

While we may not have the answers to these questions yet, I can guarantee that we will continue to work together to find them.

This year, I have also learned more about grief and how it truly is different for everyone. By being around the other Pan Am families I have learned more about their experiences, what matters to them, how they dealt with their loss, and how they deal with the relentless nature of the aftermath of Pan Am 103. There have been many moments over this past year where I have stood in awe of the resilience and determination of family members. I am inspired and humbled by their strength.

I often use the word “relentless” when speaking about the aftermath of Pan Am 103. Because it truly is. Relentless in the pursuit of justice. Relentless in the media coverage. Relentless in its legacy.

I often think about this relentlessness as, quite honestly, exhausting. But recently I started to think differently about that. Maybe the relentlessness speaks to our perseverance and our commitment. Maybe relentlessness is the reason we are still here. Maybe the relentless nature of our grief, our journey, and our will allows us to keep using our voices and ensures our loved ones’ memories will never fade.

I came across this quote* recently that I think sums up a lot of our experience.

“Evil itself may be relentless. I will grant you that, but love is relentless too. Friendship is a relentless force. Family is a relentless force. Faith is a relentless force. The human spirit is relentless, and the human heart outlasts - and can defeat - even the most relentless force of all, which is time.”

Let our relentlessness keep us moving forward together.

Thank you.

*By Dean Koontz